The Problem With Perverts
by Artistic-x-Passion
Summary: Ever since Miroku had rejected her over Sango, Akiko had been planning her revenge ever since. Akiko is now a dark perverted priestess who WILL have Miroku no matter WHAT. FIRST STORY WRITTEN YET...AND ON HOLD...
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer: **You know, the usual…I don't own any of the InuYasha characters…but only in my dreams. (Starts crying and takes a bowl of cooked ramen) What? It's my comforting food…you don't believe me do you? Fine…I get hungry whenever I'm depressed... LET ME SLURP IN PEACE!**  
**

SMACK!

"Ooo. That has got to hurt." InuYasha winced, while helping Miroku up with a big red hand mark on his face.

Everyone was outside Kaede's hut while Kaede was inside, making more medicines with the herbs she just picked with Shippo.

"You know Miroku, you really need to stop touching Sango's butt. I mean it's not monk…ish like." Kagome suggested, taking a glance at Sango stomping her feet towards Kaede's hut.

Shippo then jumped up into Kagome's shoulder and whispered in her ear, "At least he's not a two timer like someone I know."

BONK!

"Ow!" he cried, "Kagome! Help me!" InuYasha had hit Shippo on the head hard, leaving a huge lump on his head.

"InuYasha…" Kagome warned.

"What? The little brat deserved it." InuYasha explained while sticking his nose out. Kagome sighed of InuYasha's pride. (A/N: Hey! I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it.) Sometimes she wishes for InuYasha to just let his pride go away and just…not use his pride for once.

**Yeah, I know this is like, the shortest chapter ever, but PLEASE just review for this! And trust me, the next chapter will be AWESOME! Believe me on this one! This IS my first story anyhow.  
**

_InuSinzo ;)_


	2. Miroku and Sango's Problem

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, yeah, whatever.

**Note: **Thoughts: _'They shall be in italics' _And there might be some slight OOC.

Kaede was inside her hut, creating more medicines that she and Shippo had collected together. He's now taking a break with the others outside.

Sango was thinking by herself and started approaching the inside of Kaede's hut asking, "Kaede, can you please help me with Miroku's problem with women? I don't think he would ever quit his lecherous thoughts on other women and not me."

Surprisingly, Sango almost cried explaining that to Kaede. She understood why Sango was, but didn't realize she was this desperate with Miroku.

"Sango, I never knew ye were this desperate," Kaede replied surprisingly.

Sango confessed, "Neither did I. I suppose I truly love him. Do you think I should tell him? Kaede, please don't tell this to anyone. Just please keep this between you and me."

"Aye, Sango. Ye should not ask me, but ask ye true and closest friend," Kaede wisely replied, walking to her flap-door to point at Kagome. Sango smiled and giggled in her mind. She saw Kagome running after InuYasha who was running after Shippo who was trying to run to Kagome. (**A/N:** Wouldn't you laugh too?)

Kagome yelled, "InuYasha! Get back here!"

InuYasha yelled, "Shippo! Get back here!"

Shippo yelled, "Kagome! Get over here!" (**A/N:** Yeah, couldn't think of anything else with that.)

Sango shouted, "Why are you guys running?" All of the rest yelled one at a time.

Kagome shouted frustrated-ly to Sango, "Shippo ate InuYasha's ramen!"

InuYasha yelled angerly to Sango, "Shippo ate my ramen!"

Shippo shouted slyly to Sango, "I ate his ramen!" He snickered to himself for about two seconds, and then realized he was running slower and InuYasha was catching up to him. He ran faster.

Sango walked out of the door and called to Kagome, "Kagome! Can I at least talk to you!"

Kagome replied back, "Okay! Just one second! InuYasha…" he looked back and ran faster away from Kagome, retarded-ly. But he was too late.

"SIT!"

Kagome jogged to Sango, wrapping their arms around their shoulders and asked, "Now, what is it that you need my dear?" The "sisters" giggled together.

Shippo was laughing so hard on the ground that he didn't realize the spell wore off on InuYasha, and got a big lump on the head in return. Which was actually bigger than the last one.

The girls kept walking until they passed by a river a sat down on the grass.

"Kagome, I really need your help," Sango said.

Kagome asked, "What kind of problem? Is it about Miroku?"

Sango replied, "Actually yes..."

"…and that's why I really need him to change," She finished.

Kagome didn't look surprised one bit, "I was waiting until you'd spit it out."

Sango blinked dumbfounded, "You were? In other words, it's obvious that I love him?"

"Well, not really you loving him, but liking him. At least it wasn't obvious to InuYasha," Kagome pointed out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Miroku was sitting on a log by himself thinking, '_I really should stop groping other women's behinds. Sango even strictly told me not to, and yet I still keep doing it. Maybe I should think more about Sango than myself._'

He stood up and went inside the hut to ask Kaede the similar question that Sango asked. "Kaede, can you please help me about my problem with women? I don't think I would ever quit my lecherous thoughts off other women and not...not on Sango. Kaede, can you please help me?" Miroku asked.

Kaede had a big surprised look on her face. Miroku was actually begging on his knees for Kaede's help. She replied something similar she had said to Sango. He confessed as well, "I never new either. I do truly love Sango. What I usually do is just be a pervert to grope young women's lovely places without even caring. Well, actually I do, but you know what I mean right? But this time... I don't know. Kaede, just keep this between you and me, alright? But, I need to know what to do. Should I tell her?" Miroku begged her for answers.

Kaede sighed and told Miroku the similar thing to him. She again walked up to the flap-door and pointed at InuYasha this time and Miroku chuckled a bit.

He saw InuYasha eating a bowl of ramen and keeping it away from Shippo at the same time.

Shippo kept on trying to grab InuYasha's bowl of ramen, and InuYasha kept on pulling it away from him. He kept on pulling his face back with his "free hand" every time he slurped up some noodles in his mouth. InuYasha yelled in between slurps, "You're not (slurp) getting it (slurp) this time (slurp) "Ramen-Stealer!" (Slurp)"

He pulled Shippo's face back again and swallowed his food. (**A/N:** What I mean by "free hand" is InuYasha really doesn't have any so, when Shippo tries to take it away again, InuYasha would just drop his chopsticks into the bowl and then that's his "free hand".)

Shippo muffled as loud as he could, "Don't make me get Kagome, "Ramen-Hogger!" "

Miroku called them in the middle of their little argument, "What are you guys doing?"

InuYasha yelled angerly in between slurps, "Shippo's (slurp) trying to (slurp) eat my (slurp) ramen (big slurp) AGAIN! (Swallow)" (**A/N:** Weird, he never chews his food.)

Shippo muffled, "Actually, I ate your ramen, so I'm trying to eat it this time AGAIN."

Miroku walked out the door and called to InuYasha, "Well, can I least talk to you?" Shippo was leaning on InuYasha as hard as he could, swinging his fists around helplessly.

InuYasha had an evil smirk on his face, "Sure, why not?" InuYasha stood up quickly as Shippo fell flat on his face.

Ouch.

They were headed near a river, about 30 metres away from the ladies without either of them knowing it. (**A/N:** Can a river be that long?)

"So, whaddya wanna bug me about this time, huh?" InuYasha asked.

Miroku responded, "Well, it's about—"

"Women, right? Or in other words…Sango," InuYasha smirked.

Miroku raised both his eyebrows in surprise, "H-how did you know?"

The half-demon shrugged, "I don't know. I guess this time I actually listened to Kagome."

"Oh, I'm guessing that it's obvious that I truly love her, correct?" Miroku assumed.

InuYasha pointed out, "C'mon, look on the bright side, Miroku. It wasn't obvious for me. Even if Kagome kept on explaining it to me. And I don't think Sango thought it was obvious either. At least I think. So don't keep your hopes up on me."

**Meanwhile, with the ladies…**

_'It's so obvious that Miroku loves me_,' Sango wondered, '_he'll probably proclaim his love for me sooner or later. Well, at least I think…_'

She wondered some more, and some more. Until one thought hit her, '_Maybe not…he always has these other women in his mind as well._' She first sighed, paused, and then she growled under her breath. Kagome looked a bit nervous and has never seen Sango so upset and angry before. For the first time she backed away from Sango slowly to give her some "fresh air" to breathe. Even though they're outside.

**And with the men…**

Miroku said to himself, "Well, _I_ think it's obvious that I love her…but the thought of the other women was quite well indeed." He started daydreaming of ALL of the other women that he groped. A smile started to form but he finally snapped out of it and frowned. (**A/N:** He is SO the opposite of Dory!)

He will never get women out of his head! He also sighed first then growled under his breath. InuYasha had never seen Miroku upset before in his LIFE! He left Miroku to give him some "fresh air" to breathe. Even though they are outside.

As Kagome and InuYasha backed away from their "stressed out" friends, they soon bumped into each other and were arguing as always. They finally stopped after InuYasha had finally lost after a soft SIT and a loud THUD and talked about why they were here, alone.

Kagome was first and explained, "Well, Sango wanted to talk after she came out of Kaede's hut, and wanted to talk about, well, you figure it out..."

InuYasha looked clueless at this point, but later realized it was Miroku. She shook her head, giggling.

InuYasha loved that. Every time he sees her laugh or even giggle, it sounded like an angel from Kami. He mentally shook his head. Did he just think of that? No way! He couldn't have…could he? He loves Kikyo! All the way... right?

Kagome looked at him, strangely. He just smiled-but more of a smirk- and carried on, listening to Kagome. (**A/N:** All who doesn't like InuYasha's pride say, I... (silence)... be that way) She continued, "...then, we headed to the river to talk."

"So, that's what happened?" InuYasha asked, finally understanding.

Kagome had a curious face of hers and he shook his head to forget about it.

"Never mind. Anyways, we also went to the river to talk about…you know who it is," He explained and smiled at her and blushed a tad bit. So did she.

'_Those two are so lucky. If only InuYasha and I could do the same.'_ Kagome thought.

'_Geez, Sango is so close to Kagome that she tells her practically everything! And the same thing goes for Miroku and I. If Miroku can express his feelings for Sango…so can I! Well, at least with Kagome.'_

As soon as InuYasha thought so can I, he abruptly stood up like a superhero for no reason at all. You know... how they have their hands to their hips, sticking their chest out…acting retarded.

Kagome raised her eyebrow, wondering why he even did in the first place. InuYasha blushed and wondered that as well and sat down as fast as he can so he doesn't have to cause more attention. Even though it's only him and Kagome there.

"InuYasha…" Kagome said, he turned his head and faced her, "What the heck was that all about?" He looked away and blushed. He mentally kept on banging his head on an invisible wall, and kept saying 'Stupid' in his head the whole entire time.

**Soo? How do you guys like it? PLEASE review! And I might not even write the next if you people don't send me…4 reviews at least. Honestly, I really am a good writer! (NOT) And this is my first chance for people to actually notice my story and criticize on it! So PLEASE R&R!**

_InuSinzo ;)_


	3. Miroku's New Rival

**Disclaimer:** (sigh) Do I spell it out for you? I guess I do!

**D-O **

**N-O-T **

**O-W-N **

**I-N-U-Y-A-S-H-A **

Better?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"How _dare_ he reject me! I mean, having 40 children is not a lot to bear, right? It's not the LEAST bit hard, correct? UGH! How _dare_ he reject me! I am only 60 years of age."

Akiko was pacing back and forth in her own hut remembering the time when Miroku had rejected her for Sango and the family reunion. The sound of muffling and kicking was annoying her and she yelled, "QUIT IT! I'M TRYING TO THINK OF A PLAN!" The sound soon switched to soft whimpers of fear.

Who knew? That old lady was actuallty just a priestess who wanted a man in her life just to carry down her family name for many generations. But _noooooo_, they would all just laugh in her face, thinking that she would never find a man at her old age she is right now. She asked so many men to bear her children until she had met that monk. (**A/N:** Yup, definately perverted) Of all the men she had asked, she had never seen anyone so beautifully handsome and peverted like her. (**A/N:** She could've been pretty in her past) And ever since that rejection she had been planning her revenge and became a dark priestess just like Tsubaki ever since. She had vowed to herself that she will truly have him as hers no matter what the cost! Yes, this was a strange and unusual vow, and people that had passed by have never laughed so hard in their life, but she had determination. And that's all that she needed to get her man of her dreams to her!

Once, she tried for demons to obey her every command, but that was so unoriginal. (**A/N:** Read that part in a girly way) She tried to think of a creative thought. She thought and thought until, finally! She has it! Well, almost. It was a bit like her student Urasue's but also a bit different and creative just as planned. After all, she did teach Urasue to resurrect people from its grave as clay pots, right?

She thought her plan was the most _brilliant_ of all. Since she was so lonely and she has already found her "man", she is going to use puppetry and make several "Miroku's". And she meant _several_ "Miroku's". Or as she calls it: her "loved one...s". It was the most easiest plan she could think of. She already has her ingredients to make it perfect.

"Oh! My brilliant plan is going to work perfectly! No one shall stop me! And the best part is, if they attack and destroy them with their weapons, the number of my age will soon reappear!" She cackled, then she turned back to the whimpering sounds and said to it in a creepy dark voice, leaning down, "And don't worry. You all would be part of my plan as well," She smirked and leaned back up, "Part of my _**ingredients**_ that is!" She cackled once again. (**A/N: **Figured out her "special" ingredients yet?)

The sounds of whimpering stopped. It was so shocked it couldn't speak at all. The floor was being dripped on by beads of sweat rolling down quickly. It couldn't breathe! It couldn't blink! It couldn't believe it one bit.

All the men that had rejected her in the past were the special ingredient for her plan. Her "brilliant" plan, as she calls it.

As a living sacrifice.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Soo, waddya think? Good? Bad? Horrible? Wonderful? Petrifying? Terrifying? Overly-dramatic? What? Say it in the review!

By the way, I would like to thank the first three people that reviewed my story:

shippousangoffe,

Miroku and Fluffy 4 ever

and especially by best friend,

InuYujin. Although, she's the one who wasn't the first one to review.

But, thanx! Hope you people review my story!

InuSinzo ;)


	4. Misunderstandings

**Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, WHATEVER!**

**InuSinzo: Jeez, can that get annoying.**

**InuYasha: Yeah, but not as annoying as you and Shippo**

**Shippo: Annoying, huh? Oh, yeah? KAGOME!! INUYASHA JUST MADE FUN OF ME!!**

**Kagome: InuYasha… SIT!**

**InuYasha (glares at Shippo): Damn you, runt.**

**Kagome (gasps): Now you're swearing at him! You're supposed to give good examples to Shippo! SIT BOY!**

**InuYasha: …**

**InuSinzo: Well, that was well done, right Shippo? (Raises hand for high-five)**

**Shippo (tilted head to the side): What do I do with your hand?**

**InuSinzo (sweat drops): Heh, heh. Right. You smack your hand with mine. It's called a high-five.**

**Shippo: Really? Cool! (Tries to smack hand…poorly misses) Awwww man!! **

**Kagome: It's okay, Shippo. Here, all you have to do is…**

**InuYasha (looks around): Hey, guys. Where are Miroku and Sango?**

**InuSinzo (points to them, shocked): Huh? WHAAAA-SHIPPO AVERT YOUR EYES!**

**Shippo (looks at where InuSinzo points): What? AHH!!! I can't believe what I'm seeing here! They're, they're…THEY'RE…**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

"Okay, I should calm down. Just calm down. It's all right, just keep…" Sango kept repeating to herself.

This was her day. Her day of telling Miroku her true feelings about him. That she loves him.

"Okay. This is it, you big lug. This is the day. Jus calm down. You can do this. You can…" Miroku kept repeating to himself.

This was his day. His day of telling Sango his true feelings about her. This he loves her.

Where are InuYasha, Kagome, Shippo, Kaede, and Kirara you might ask? Shamefully, as the writer of this story-- I honestly do not have a clue.

Sango was pacing back and forth in Kaede's hut thinking about what to say to Miroku. She was trying not to stutter and get the message out and yet make it slow enough for him to understand what she's saying so she doesn't have to be embarrassed about saying it twice in a row. Apparently, Kaede was out in the village buying supplies for InuYasha, the others, and herself.

"Okay, Sango. You can do this. Just tell him how you feel about him. There's nothing to it. All you have to say is: Miroku I lo— Okay. I lo— DAMN IT!!" She kept stuttering and she HATED that! She kept hitting her head, hard, on the wall repeatedly.

Miroku was leaning on a tree, sitting cross-legged, thinking of what he would say to Sango—his love of his life. His strategy was to close his eyes and think of him and Sango together, talking. Nothing more. (A/N: Hard to believe, huh?) But the only problem with this is that he couldn't get the words out, AND no matter what, his hands are automatically on Sango's rear end. He couldn't help it. It was instinct! It was in his blood. It went down from generation to generation! I mean, come on! It was a pervert thing! He opened his eyes and sighed. 'I'm never going to be able to pull this off on my own,' he thought, 'Now where are Kagome and InuYasha up to? Oh! And my future wife of many, MANY children?' After he stood up, he brushed off the some grass that were stuck on his robes, fixed his hair, grabbed his staff, and went on a stroll to Kaede's hut…hoping for Kaede to be there. But instead…

**THUNK. THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.**

This was all that Sango kept doing. She couldn't think of ANYTHING to keep her from stuttering!! During that time of head smashing, she kept chanting,

"Damn…you…stupid…HEAD!! WORK!!! UGH!!"

Miroku turned his head towards the hut that Sango was in. "Huh? What's all that noise? What's Sango doing in there?" He wondered. Then a thought came upon him. His perverted thoughts. "Hmm…what on earth is she doing there? All…alone. With nobody watching her. Doing some private things…" As he said all this, he was walking slowly to the hut, and then when he was at a distance where he was able to hear voices, he heard Sango's "UGH!!" and immediately a perverted smile slowly emerged on his face and caused him to walk just a tad bit slower to…_savour _the words that are apparently "naughty". Then, just to make things worse Sango screamed,

"COME ON!! COME TO ME!! MAKE THIS STUPID THING GO FASTER AND HARDER!!!" (A/N: Sango's talking about her head/mind.)

But you know. With the word "come" and "cum" they sound the same, but with Miroku and his perverted mind, he understood the "cum" way. Then to make things even MORE badly than before…

An idea FINALLY popped into Sango's mind. And to celebrate…

"YES!! (Smack) IT FINALLY (Smack) CAME TO ME!! (Smack) THIS THING ACTUALLY WORKS!! (Smack) YES!! (Smack) YES!! (Smack) YES!! (Smack) HALEILUJAH!!!" (A/N: All the smacking is occurring from her head hitting the wall…and to think she's not going to have a concussion!)

Oh God…

Miroku immediately stopped walking slowly and instead just stood there, with his eyes lit up with pleasure. His smirk went even wider as he said, "Oh yeah. Wouldn't this be a little…_fun?_" As Miroku finished his sentence, he quickly ran to the hut, pulled open the flap that _almost _ripped from the doorway, only to be disappointed.

"Huh? What!! No nothing that I had expected!! No spanking? No naughtiness? No on-coming action? No NOTHING?!?!?!!" Miroku whined.

"Huh? What the hell are _you_ talking about Miroku?" Sango panted, a little confused.

Miroku answered, "Well, I heard you in the hut and since I do not have the vision to see through things, but instead only hear things…well…you know. I kinda…heard…things." He flashed his perverted grin at Sango.

It only took a few minutes to realize what Miroku was talking about. She had a little flashback of what happened and then she started to blush as well. She explained, "OH!! That?? Oh. Well I was just—I wanted to tell you how I fell—I mean feel, and- and—" '_Damn this stupid stuttering habit of mine!'_ Miroku was waiting for her to finish. He was tapping his foot impatiently and raising an eyebrow. That just made Sango blush even more of embarrassment. Still, she tried to continue. "So! Well, well…about those noises you heard…" She scratched the back of her head and laughed nervously.

Miroku, who was still waited for her to answer, had enough and started to walk out the door, but something got caught on Miroku's hand.

Sango's.

He looked at her eyes and she looked at him. Together, they seem so mesmerized in each other's eyes that they didn't know what was going on…

They didn't know that their heads were coming closer…

They didn't know that their lips were so close, yet so far.

They closed their eyes and…

"SANGO!!" a voice called outside.

"MIROKU!!" another one called.

"FUTURE-LOVERS!!" a young one called.

Miroku and Sango opened their eyes and realized what they were doing. Miroku, though, was planning to continue the kiss, but Sango, feeling embarrassed, quickly walked out of the hut leaving a confused monk. Although, Sango came back to the hut, gazed at Miroku in his eyes and gave him a short kiss. Not a peck, yet not passionate (A/N: I wonder how that'll work out?). After the kiss, Sango broke away, blushing and left the hut to find out who was calling their names, leaving a very _pleased_ monk indeed.

He walked outside with a sigh, and with a smile.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Kagome (sighs): Wasn't that cute?**

**InuYasha (scoffs): You kiddin' me? I bet that was the corniest chapter of all.**

**Shippo: InuYasha! You sure about that?**

**InuYasha: Yeah, so?**

**Shippo: Well, right after Sango and her (coughs) "noises" you went straight to a bathroom that came out of nowhere in this strange room of "Fanfiction", locked the door and started—making noises.**

**InuYasha (blushes): I DID NOT!**

**Shippo (giggling): DID TOO!**

**InuYasha: DID NOT!**

**Shippo: DID TOO!**

**InuYasha (smirk): DID TOO! (Thinking) _This'll throw him off._**

**Shippo (points): HA! You admit it!**

**InuYasha (surprised): WHA--? DAMN IT ALL!**

**Kagome (looking around): Hey—is Sango and Miroku still at it?**

**Everyone looks around until they hear…**

**"OH COME ON MIROKU! I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS EVEN HARDER!"**

**(That was Sango)**

**InuSinzo: I wonder what they're doing? Better read the next chapter to find out:) Oh yeah! And review. **

**InuSinzo ;)**


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